100 Tales of the Archer and the Merman
by RocksCanFly
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin. 100 hopefully drabbles of varying length, all centered around the wonderful, sarcastic, and vastly under-appreciated relationship between Aqualad and Red Arrow. Warning for slash, language, and sexual situations.


A/N: Some of these are sad, some of them are happy.

Some of them try at funny, others succeed at sappy.

All in all, they're admittedly a little bit crappy.

But they're drabbles, so I don't even care.

Read on, dear friend, if you think you dare.

The first installment of 100 drabbles from 100 prompts, the rest to come eventually.

* * *

11. Memory- Sometimes, when they're lying together on the couch, Roy remembers the first time he saw Kaldur.

The boy was awkward and overly formal, even more so then than now. He wasn't adjusted to the noise and bustle of land life yet. Ollie had him show the other partner (to this day he refuses to entertain the thought that he was _ever_ a _sidekick_) around Star City.

In a moment of inattention, when Roy had been busy trying to pursue a purse snatcher, he had forgotten that Kaldur didn't yet know how traffic worked. At the loud screaming of a horn behind him, he turned around, and was barely in time to save the Atlantean from being hit by an oncoming truck.

Now, even though Aqualad has long-since adjusted to life on the surface, Roy can't help but tense up when the other man gets near a busy roadway. In the back of his mind, he's always reminded of what he nearly lost.

* * *

73. I Can't-

"_You sonnuva fucking bitch_!"

"Roy, calm down-"

_SLAM!_

"NO. No, I will not fucking _calm down_. What the _hell _were you thinking? _Were you thinking_? Of all the stupid, _selfish_-"

"I do not see how saving the world is selfish, Harper."

"Oh, no. _NO_. You are not allowed to take that '_I-am-oh-so-calm-about-this-and-Roy-you-are-being-irrational _' tone with me, you bastard! That shit will not stand! I can't believe you. You, just, _what the_-"

"If you are about to ask _'what the hell were you thinking'_, there is no need. Not only is your line of questioning redundant, but the answer you seek is also obvious. I needed to stop-"

"That's where you're _wrong_, idiot! Why should _you_ have to stop anything? Why were you the one who had to take the big fucking leap of fate, _huh_? Batman was there, _dammit_! You're _sixteen!_"

"_Tell me that you would have done differently_."

"This isn't about me, this is about-"

"_TELL ME THAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, ROY_!"

"... _Fine_. I wouldn't have. But _I'm_ not recon. _I'm_ not Junior Justice League. They're not supposed to be watching out for _me_. But they're supposed to be watching out for _you_."

"There was no time to inform Batman or any other League members of my plan. Action had to be taken, and there was not time to wait for permission, or an alternative."

"I don't care. I don't. It shouldnt've been you. Wally told me about that, that _thing_. What it tried to do to him. If it had taken you-"

"I would not have died."

"No, but you might as well have."

"I would still be able to fight. I do not see-"

"-No. _You don't_. You _really_, truly fucking don't. _Damn _you, why are you such a fucking _idiot_? Don't you think anyone would care if you were gone?"

"I'm sure that Nabu would have-"

"I don't mean as a _hero_, Kaldur! I mean _you_. People would miss _you_. Not _Aqualad_, not the _team leader_, not another _weapon_, _you_. That's why you _scare the crap_ out of me! You keep putting yourself into these situations, and I don't even..."

"Roy? Are you..."

"Yes. _Yes_, I'm _crying_. I'm _crying_ like some little _bitch_ because _I don't know what I'd do__if I__ lost __you_."

"..."

"Stop doing _this_, you stupid bastard. I can't, I just_- I can't._"

"Roy. You know I cannot promise that. You also know that what you are asking is not fair."

"So, what? It's not fair to ask you to stop trying to kill yourself?"

"No. You know that I would never commit an act so selfish. But it is not fair to ask me to stop performing my duty. My duty to my team, to the League, to the world. I would not take these risks if I did not deem it necessary."

"So, out of every fully qualified person there, it just _had_ to be you?

"I could not ask it of the others. They are too young, and none of them truly understand the risk. Not like I do. The only other possible candidate present was Batman. The world needs him. He is the leader of the League. To allow him to fall in my place would have been an act of ultimate selfishness. We have gone over this. You would have done the same."

"But-"

"It is not like you to be so redundant, my friend. We are going in circles. I made my choice. you have fully admitted that you would have done the same as I. Why can you not respect my decisions? I have no _desire_ to die. But I will _not_ allow others to suffer when I can prevent it. I had thought you would respect that."

"You know I do. Respect you, I mean, but... You need to try harder to stay alive. I wouldn't stop you if there wasn't any choice. You know I wouldn't. But you never look hard enough to find one before you go diving in."

"...I concede that point. Let us make a bargain. I will attempt to make a greater effort to find alternative solutions to putting myself at risk, as long as that solution does not endanger the team or the mission."

"And in return? What do I get to do to keep your ass intact?'

"You will agree to take a communicator."

"Wait, so to keep you _safe_, I have to agree to be the Justice League's bitchboy? Kal, _what the_-"

"I was not aware you thought of me as a 'bitchboy'."

"Oh, _shit_, wait, you know I didn't_- Are you laughing_?"

"My apologies. The stress of today, and the aftermath of our fight... my emotions are not as in control as is normal. It was a joke. Besides, the communicator would only be accessible by myself and Batman. I am sure even _you_ trust him to use discretion."

"Yeah. It's not like he doesn't have my place bugged, anyways. Fine. I'll be available for help, and you'll try to keep yourself from needing it. Deal?"

"Deal. Roy?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you kindly let me down from the wall now? My shoulders are growing sore."

"Sure. After I do this."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So-_*pant*_- still want down?"

"I think I could bear a few more minutes. For the sake of sealing our contract.'

"Yeah_, sure_."

* * *

40. Rated-

"_Oh my God_. Ang, look, ten o'clock."

"Girl, you know I suck at those weird-ass directions of your- _oh_. Oh, wow. _Hello_, sexy."

"That jaw-line...Mmm..."

"Do you see those shoulders? _Baby, take that sweater off_!"

"Shh! He'll hear you!"

"I don't mind. That is a _fine_ looking man. 'Sides, I'm sure he's used to it. Will you look at that _ass_!"

"Thank goodness for low coffee-counters, right? Jeeze, will you _look_ at that _waist_, that _hair_... shame he's wearing a turtleneck, right?"

"Don't I know it. Wait a moment, I'm getting out my camera."

"Girl, that's _stalker_, even for you."

"This is _Happy Harbor_. How many times a _year_ do we see a man that fine? I'll tell you. _Never_. I'm making this moment last."

"Woah. Hey, look up from your camera for a sec. Looks like Mr. Fine has a friend.'

"Ginger_? Nice_. Hey, he's pretty cute too. You thinkin 'what I'm thinkin'?"

"Them? No way in a million years. You're beautiful, hon, but it'd take a model to get those boy's attentions."

"I wonder if that's what they are? I've never seen 'em around town before."

"Well, they certainly seem to know one another well. I wonder what they're whispering about?"

"No clue. Hey, I'm gonna finish getting my camera out. Snap a shot with your phone real quick in case they get away before I get this hunk of junk turned on."

"Will do... _holy crap_!"

"What? A third one? If yes, _please_ let him be brunet. I _like_ brunets."

"Uh, no. Not a third one."

"You okay? What's going- _Wow_."

"..."

_Snap._

"Did you seriously just _take a picture of them_?"

"Hey! Only thing better than _one _hot man is _two_. Two hot men _making out_? Special bonus."

"You're so weird."

"Admit it. You like it too."

"Yeah, but- _ohshitaretheywalkingoverhere_?"

"Hello, ladies."

"Uh, um, ah- _Hi_?"

"How are you doing this fine afternoon?"

"Alright, I guess?"

"Awesome. I see that you were expressing interest in my friend here a few moments ago."

"Oh, is that what you call it-"

"Angela! _Shut_. _Up_."

"No, it's fine. I honestly can't blame you. Just, do me a favor?"

"Sure, gorgeous."

"_Angela!_"

"Don't let that little photo of your leak online. We have friends who we'd don't want to be aware of our relationship."

"You can trust us."

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to break your camera."

"That's hilarious! Dude, no offense, but you've got the cold-hearted agent thing _down_. That was _really_ funny."

"My friend was not laughing. Nor is this matter humorous. If we cannot be assured of your cooperation, we will have to destroy your camera."

"..."

"Are you guys serious? it's not like it's X-rated or anything!"

"Trust us. With our colleagues, it might as well be."

* * *

23. Cat-

"You're kidding me, right? _Catwoman_?"

"Believe me, I was most surprised myself.'

"No, no, _no_. This goes _beyond_ surprise. This goes straight into..._wow_."

"I'm beginning to feel offended that this is such a shock to you."

"Don't get snippy. I just thought she was more into the dark, menacing, humorless type."

"She said that it was because I reminded her of Batman. Simply... "

"Simply what?"

"Never mind. I do not recall what she-"

"Bullshit. You're blushing. Wait, _you're blushing_. Now I _have_ to know what she said. _C'mon_."

"She said that I was 'darker and sweeter, like a chocolate version of Battie-pie'."

"..."

"I seem to recall that it is necessary for humans to breathe. It would be wise to cease laughing."

"..."

"_Roy_."

"Sorry. _My_ boyfriend got _hit on_ by _Catwoman_. And was compared to _chocolate_. By _Catwoman_. I'm allowed to find this hilarious."

"I do not see how this is so amusing."

"This means that Catwoman thinks you're more like Batman than _Robin_? Oh, when he finds out about his he's gonna be _pissed_. He's had a crush on her for _years_."

"Actually, Robin was present when she began her... flirtation. I aslo believe she may be aware of his 'crush'. She loudly mentioned that cats prefer fish over birds before she escaped."

"Oh, shit, _really_? What'd he say?"

"He did not say anything so much as he fell off the wall he was scaling and landed in a dumpster. I think that his infatuation explains why he was glaring at me on the way back to the Cave. As well as the recent, inexplicable lack of interesting language on his part."

"Wait, he _stopped slaughtering the English language_? Adorable. Birdboy's got it is bad for a _villain_! This is hilarious!"

"I seem to recall _some other_ young hero with an infatuation with a feline-themed villain."

"... Why I did I teach you how to snark."

"It was not taught so much as absorbed, my friend."

"Too much time hanging around?"

"Actually, I believe it may have resulted from osmosis."

"Osmosis?"

"Yes, osmosis."

"What do you mean- _oh._ Ah, yeah, _osmosis_."

"I have yet to fully grasp sarcasm. Would you be willing to teach me tonight?"

"_Y-yeah_. I mean, _yes_. I think I can fit in some _osmosis_ right around now. But just as a favor."

"Of course."

* * *

65. Horror-

Fuck... No no no not you not you anyone please damn fuck God _why-_

Pretty little fish pretty little fish on a pretty little _goddamn- _

He's sick. He's _fucking sick_ and you've got to be okay or I _swear to God_ the Bat's gonna be pissed when I rip off that damn smile and watch that suit turn a darker shade of purple because this _isn't funny_.

Be okay. You're strong. You're one of the strongest people I know. But that's always gotten you hurt hasn't it? Because you let everyone think' it's okay he's stronger than everyone else (even stronger than Superboy, somehow, even though that makes no fucking _sense_) and we are oh so weak and he can handle it it'll be fine because he'll be okay'.

And the worst part is that you let yourself _believe_ it and you end up getting _crushed _and _damaged_ and _trampled_ and you don't let anyone know that you're _dying_. You're like a giant oak tree that's being eaten from the inside out by beetles, but people still lean against you for picnics and hang swings from your branches because _they don't know_.

_A pretty little fish on a pretty little_- but fish don't yell and this is the first time I've ever heard you in that much _pain_. You never scream when you're in pain, it's always gritted teeth and bulging veins and white knuckles, so this's got to be _agony_ for you and it's agony for me too because _I can't get to you_.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_...

I'm running out of arrow's and I'm pretty sure that'd I've killed a few guards by now (not on purpose but I'm not aiming for anything but what will bring them _down_ and get them out of my way because _you're still screaming_) but I can't find the door and the windows are too high and _where is your team_ they _should be here_ to save you, you shouldn't be _alone_. What the _hell,_ _where are you?_

And I've found the door, and I'm about to blow it up when Superboy comes out of fucking _nowhere_ and breaks it down and now Wally's flashing by me (If you were here you would smirk at that pun and please be okay because I need that and I need you to be here with me on some other mission because _no one else gets it_) and I can hear shouts and laughter and gunfire.

I rush in and start shooting before I see that Wally's disarmed almost everyone and Superboy's fighting a bunch of thugs and _I still can't see you_.

Then Harley Quinn flips out of the _fucking ceiling_ and starts taking down KF before Robin also swings out of fucking nowhere (and is it just me or is everyone in Gotham a goddamn ninja?) and starts attacking her, so I can focus on finding you and that laughter is driving me insane and I need to _shut it up_-

There's the door and I'm there in an instant (and is this what Flash feels like all the time?) and I'm through and I see you _hanging_ there and oh my God I'm so fucking freaked that I don't even see that bastard coming until I'm on the ground and he's swinging a knife at me that I barely roll out from under and now I'm pissed so I'm stupid and instead of getting at a better range I take a swing at him until I remember 'Oh yeah, ninja', and now he's bouncing away and he's still _laughing _in my face, _goddamn_ him.

And then we hear the silence in the other room and I think he realizes that Quinn and his other goons are down, and I've got an arrow out that's heading for his face but at the last second he doges and escapes though another doorway.

I barely stop myself from chasing him when I hear you groan and my eyes snap to you and shit _what has he done to you_?

Then Robin's rushing by me and I know that he'll go after Joker because that's what they _always_ do and when Superboy and KF come after I stop KF and tell him to go get help for you _**now**_ and tell Superboy to go with Robin, I'll get you down and then we're alone and I'm using the crane to lower you down until I can get you off-

- And shit there's so much blood and you're almost passed out and I'm whispering _'I'm sorry, sorry, sorry', _because it's caught in your shoulder so deep and I have to yank and I think I tore something but now you're off and I need you to stay awake because help's on the way but you're bleeding out _and don't die on me dammit._

* * *

97. Safety First-

_You have __**got**__ to be fucking with me._

There is no way this is happening. He refuses to acknowledge that this is happening. There is no place in the realm of possibility that this is happening.

But here he is, pinned to the floor of a warehouse, with the infamous super villain Black Manta glaring down at him (he thinks it's glaring. Hard to tell what with the mask). The villain is, oddly, not trying to kill him. Or giving a typical villain speech about all of Roy's faults before revealing his master plan. He's not even threatening him or his loved ones.

No. What Manta is doing is far, _far_ worse than anything he has ever experienced at the hands of a villain before.

He is trying to give Roy a talk.

Not just any talk, no. This is a Talk.

About protection. And STI's. And the mechanics of gay sex.

Fuck it all, this is _happening_.

"And that is why it is very important that you check the condom for holes before rolling it onto your- young man, are you paying attention to me?" Black Manta demanded, settling his hands on his hips in a distinctly _unsettling_ manner.

"Honestly?" he choked out, his throat dry with sheer horror, "I don't think anyone's ever had this much of my full attention in my _life_."

"Well, good." said Manta in a (creepily, because this a fucking super villain and he is giving Roy a _sex talk_) lighter tone. "You'll need to know these things if you're going to be safe. And I would hope, young Red Arrow," said Manta, leaning down and pressing a gun to Roy's temple (and a knife much closer to much more _sensitive_ territory).

He continued, hissing in Roy's ear, "That Aqualad would have you full and _complete_ attention when he is speaking to you. I wouldn't want to find out you've been mistreating him."

And fuck him that's the scariest voice he's ever heard in his life. And he's heard Batman _pissed_.

Also, he really wished that Manta'd remove that fucking knife.

Speaking of which, if Manta doesn't back off soon, Roy might be needing a new pair of pants.

Wait a hot-mother-fucking second, _what_?

"Aqualad?" he squeaked (manfully!) out. "Why the hell do you care about Aqualad?"

"That is not of your concern, _boy_," Manta growled, pressing the gun further into Roy's temple. "Just know that if I find out you've been mistreating him or forgetting to use protection, and trust me, I _will_ find out, that you'll be losing your ability to reproduce."

There are times for bravery. There are times for cocky, sarcastic one liners. There are times for underhanded tactics and impressive escape attempts.

When a pissed-off and oddly protective super villain is holding a damn _knife _to your _balls_? That is _no_t one of those times.

He'll probably shoot himself in the foot for this later, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Okay, yes, _yes_, got it! Protection and listening, no problem. Now can you _please_ remove the knife?"

"Certainly," said Manta, and that bastard was grinning, he can fucking tell, "After we finish our talk. Now, on the subject of proper stretching..."

If Kaldur's the one who come to rescue him, this is going go down as the most fucking horrifying mission _ever._

* * *

A/N: More to come as time and inspiration permits.


End file.
